Calgon, take me away.

 

It was a valiant effort Bernard, but there's no school today so it seems that your plan of escape has been foiled once again. Better luck next year. 

Today was an eat, play, drink, exercise, eat, play, rest, drink, play, rest, drink and eat some more kind of a day. Here's the photo evidence to support this claim.

Now, Mama is tired. So I think I'm going to start planning my own escape--right up into a nice warm bubble bath.

Never Stop Learning

Being a life long learner is, in my opinion, one of the greatest things to which a person can aspire. The never ending quest for new knowledge and the cultivation of new skill sets.  Just look at Bernard. How old do you think he is? 300? And he's still open to the idea of learning a new trade. I can't really speak to any acuity he may possess in tickling the ivories, but at least he's trying. That is what's important here. 

See, I follow my own advice. I really enjoy my quiet Starbucks time while Chase is at his keyboarding  lesson. Perhaps quiet is the wrong word since they've been playing the music in there a little loudly these days. Maybe surrounded solitariness is the better term. Being among the people but not actually having to talk to any of them. Sometimes small talk wears me out. And sometimes, I veer far away from the point--but I always find my way back. Life long learning--it's never too early to start.

Which is why today Chase and I worked on improving his table setting/chocolate milk preparing aptitude. Gotta train them young.  These things don't just learn themselves you know.

Gimme a Break...Gimme a Break

Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat Bar. I'm serious Bernard. Give me a piece of that candy, or I'm going to tell Santa what you've been up to down here. And yes, I do keep chocolate candy bars in a Distemper Remedy jar. You have your medicine, I have mine.

And on the topic of medicine, I have to tell you that taking Claritin D 12 hour right before going to bed is not a good idea. If you fail to heed my advice, and you happen to be one of the lucky few who experience insomnia as a side effect, then you will find yourself in your family room at 3:30 AM watching the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and drinking warm milk in the hopes of coaxing out an REM pattern or two. Of course, you probably won't be lucky enough to get to see the lunar eclipse coincide with the winter solstice like I was. Unless you plan on living a really really long time. But they probably won't even have Claritin D 12 hour then so it's really a moot point.

That's the moon around 2:30AM.  Squint and you might almost think you can see it. I think I hear NASA calling for my prints now.


Breaking is the theme for today as this lovely pair demonstrates for us.

You're confused aren't you. That's because you can't really see the poor lass on the right very well. Let's take a closer look.

Yea she's completely lost her head over the guy though I'm not sure why. I find his slightly larger right eye to be a bit distracting.   Amaya was quite distraught over her destroyed art so I tried to fix it. Super glue and regular tape were not working. So I semi-laminated that sucker with packing tape.

Now maybe it will keep the ants away too. See, tape really does fix everything.

And in this corner

Weighing in at less than a pound...

Bernard the Energetic Elf!

That snowman never stood a chance y'all.

Tap out. Kinda puts me in the mind of myself today when I went to my temporary gym home--

--and Jeanne told me I needed to have deep, meaningful thoughts about my buttocks. Frankly I think she's gone and lost her ever-loving mind. But, I did take a moment to have deep, meaningful thoughts about how grateful I am for parking lots that paint the bumper parking lines:

I'll take any extra help I can get. Speaking of--it is now 5 days until Christmas and I have not wrapped even a single kidlet present. Which seems a bit wrong to me since I think I've spent at least a decade in my scrap room (w)rapping my little heart out.  I guess I'm just slow.

Of course, if I didn't have to stop to do laundry, take out the trash, clean the bunny cage and eat a cookie, I'm sure I'd be a lot further along. And I guess I could have gone up there right after dinner to toil away at it some more. But sometimes, you just really need to stop and enjoy life with two little snuggle bunnies on your lap.

It'll get done eventually. And if not, I can always blame an elf strike for any unwrapped presents under the tree, right?

Dr. Feelgood

Hey Buzz, wanna be friends? 

 

Batman mania continues. Oh and check out the cool wristbands.  Rock star.

Super proud of her pretty Christmas dress. 

Funny retro picture I forgot to share yesterday. Santa scares me. I won't lie. 

Christmas Party: Take Two. Holly? Check. Jolly? Check.

 

 Shot to the head?  Hit me.  Is that all you got?

Caught him!

Bernard, I do believe you've been Elf-napped. How much ransom do you think Santa would be willing to pay to get this little trickster back?  We don't really need him anymore because Chase has decided that he will just use Buzz Lightyear instead.

I think I may have started a fad. Now I'll be finding toys in odd places all over the house. But I'm sure it can't possibly be as big a mess as the one Drew created with his new TV.

Apparently, our new remote requires the use of two lap tops to set up and necessitates hand-written instructions for Mellon to be able to use it. I can't be the only one who finds this to be a bit absurd.

Do you know what else is absurd? Trying to get a decent picture of 8 kids under age 5.  This one is the best I've got I think.

Admittedly, it probably would go better if they weren't all hyped up on Christmas party adrenaline. But who can blame them--it was an awesome party. See:

Thanks go to Molly for hosting such a fantastic party for all of us.  And also for taking half of the above photos. 


Today, I'd like to leave you with this little video. This is Chase trying to teach his sister how to swish water in her mouth after brushing her teeth. It's quite comical.

To be honest though, I'm not sure he has the patience to follow his mother's footsteps into education. Only time will tell.

Tape Fixes Everything

Oh to be a kid again and get to play in a bowl full of silver Christmas bulbs. Or um something.

Actually even though I'm not a kid, today was pretty much just all fun and games. I got to laze around in the morning reading magazines and then have lunch with my husband. After that, I was like a kid in the candy store except there was no store. Oh, and it wasn't candy it was cookies. So I guess the simile doesn't quite work does it? Never mind then. Just look at the picture.

Normally when I bake cookies I end up eating a good portion of the dough before it ever has a chance to go in the oven. But with my lack of an appetite, that wasn't really a problem this year. And well, that kind of made me sad. So I drowned my sorrows in wrapping paper and tape while listening to Mumford & Sons sing about Winter Winds. As much as I gush about them, the band should probably just start paying me some residuals or something. I think I'll write them about that right now.

Let's see, what else? Oh right. Drew's new TV got installed today. Frankly, I'd never know it had changed if the old one weren't currently leaning against the chair next to me.  My friend Eva told me I'm supposed to ask what it's black something or other is. See how important I thought it was--I can't even remember.

There is one amazing benefit to your husband getting a new TV though: he finally gets around to cleaning out the abyss that is the electrical closet.

I have been nagging and nagging about this black hole for months. Years even. I can't for the life of me understand why one television set requires so many little boxes, cables, wires and remotes. I mean is all of this necessary? Really?

 

I think Drew believes that if it has a label, I won't throw it away. So he sticks little blue painting tape labels on all of the wires. The kids have latched on to this theory by insisting that their most prized possession also get a label.

There Bernard, your poor chewed hat doesn't look so bad now, does it? See, tape fixes everything.

No 'and then'!

And then?

I think Bernard is trying to communicate something to us here, but I can't for the life of me figure out what it is.


Anyway...so today. I did Yoga/Tai Chi/Pilates with Jeanne. I am really starting to feel like there might be some point in time where I'll look like I might possess the potential to know what I'm doing. Maybe in a year or so? I wanted Jeanne to take a picture of the state of my current yoga posing skills for record keeping purposes, but I forgot my phone in my locker. You should be really bummed about this because I'm sure you would have found the image to be hilarious. I look like a duck. I wish I were kidding.

You know something about yoga? You have to be barefoot. And my feet aren't barefoot ready. At all. But the whole winter pedicure thing just perplexes me. How do you keep from smudging your toes when you put your shoes on? Do you sit in the salon until they completely dry--that would take an hour at least. Or do you wear flip flops and just hope that you don't lose one of your toes to frost bite? Perplexing, right?

And then, after getting my zen fix, I got my holly jolly on a bit by wrapping a few presents. I like the initial present wrapping phase, but as the chore drags on I start to get sloppy. And Martha just wouldn't be happy about that, would she? So this year, I'm trying to break it up into several sessions. Here's a peek a today's work:

Now,  I'll share two Mellon's Holiday Wrapping Tips with you.

1. After the holiday, pick up a few cute ornaments on clearance. These make super cute present accents that can be destined for more than the trash can. And if you wait for the 75%, they cost about the same as a bow anyway. 
2. I like to give gifts in reusable bags when possible--again so that it can perhaps find a new life after the celebration. So, I'm always scanning clearance racks for things I can use for this purpose. This past summer I found these at Target--

$1.74? Crazy--you can't even buy a paper gift bag for that. So I bought them, and now as you can see a couple of girls are getting their Christmas presents delivered in this happy pink shower caddy. It's like a present in a present. Who wouldn't like that?

And then, speaking of presents--Chase got to enjoy another Hanukkah surprise from Nana & PopPop as he at last received his first magazine in the mail.

We learned about bears and animals that live in the cold. And yes he's wearing the Spiderman sweatshirt again. He's grown quite attached to it. Luckily, he's still young enough that I can convince him to let me wash it in between wearings. I wonder how long that will hold out? Judging by his recent Chase-isms--probably not long. I give you Exhibits A & B.

A: "Mama, I'll miss you when you go to Ja-ail." (He did not elaborate on just what offense I'd committed that was going to send me to jail. He did spring this jewel on me while I was driving, but I'm sure there is no connection there.)

B: "Daddy, I love your shiny, bald head!"



So, that was my day. I don't think I'm forgetting anything, am I? What? Oh yea. It snowed! We got snow! So that's why this post was late today--I was outside doing this.

 

I know it's dark. I think the flash was turned off on my iPhone and my fingers were too cold to mess around with it.  I actually don't mind shoveling snow--I make little boxes and race myself to see how fast I can get them clear. And there's just something magical about snow at night. Don't you think?

And then?

No, 'and then'!

Altogether shout it now

So the evidence seems to suggest that Bernard thought he would like to take a little spin on Chase's scooter last night. Really he was just trying to get as far away from that crazy rabbit as he could. Just look what that wascally wabbit did to his hat:

She chewed the little fuzz ball right off of it! See.

Note to self: Do not place helpless little people in the rabbit's cage. She is not a fan.

After consoling the elf over the loss of his stylish beanie ball, I headed off to the final combat class at my gym. It was awesome--in the great to see everyone and feel the love kind of way. Not so awesome in the I don't feel good, I might pass out or puke on you at any moment kind of way. But I powered through just so I could say I was there when the final plank ended. And I tried--see my blur?

But after class, Jeanne told me I looked dead behind the eyes the whole time. So I guess I wasn't fooling anyone. No worries, I'll get her next time.

Immediately following the required after class shower, I took a much needed 2 hour nap. Heaven is mid afternoon naps and super soft Splendid tees. Then somehow I managed to take this random picture. Not really sure what I was trying to accomplish here...I don't even remember taking it, but here it is.

I guess I hadn't completely woken up from my nap yet? Anyway, I thought you might enjoy seeing the mess that is my vanity table since a couple of you out there seem to be under the impression that I'm some super wonder woman, I wanted to be sure you knew that wasn't the case. And if you already knew that--well then this just further solidifies the fact in your brain, doesn't it?


Here's something you'd never guess--there's a mother out there who actually trusts me to drive her child home from school. Shocking, isn't it?

The three of them had such fun back there.  I just had to laugh at some of the stories they told. I think the fact that it was pajama day at school upped the excitement factor. Kids are silly.  The best part of being a taxi service? I get paid in food.

I just love these evening dinner play dates. One less meal I have to cook, the kids entertain each other, and then when we go home it's time for bed. It's a great way to spend the evening. I'm so grateful that Adriana is willing to have us invade her house so often. And also that she makes a fantastic chicken soup that smells delicious and feels so good on my scratchy throat.

 

 Jealous, aren't you? I have great friends. Really I do--and even without the soup I'd know this because it was a record breaking 5 Christmas card mail day:

I love getting happy mail--it's like a bunch of little presents right there in my mailbox. And they're all for me! Happy days are here again!

December 14

What can be said about today? Well, since I dozed on and off through most of it, I don't really know. I've been trying to kick this cold/bug/yuckiness for a couple of weeks now. Some days I come out ahead, but today was not one of them. Just to give you an idea of how ill I've been feeling--Andy bought me a slice of carrot cake on Sunday and it's still in the refrigerator. Unheard of in these parts. I have absolutely no appetite. I have to force myself to eat. And if you know me, then you know that eating is not normally a problem for me.  I hope I feel better soon because those presents aren't going to wrap themselves, nor the cookies bake themselves. But back to the point of the post which is this: A December Daily in three doses.

The good:

The bad:

The ugly:

I mean really who burns spaghetti sauce? Me apparently. Ho, ho, ho!



File under: 
Housewife Fail