Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Mellon's Log
Day 2

My second evening with the urchin was not as smooth going as the first. He appeared to be missing his other parental unit as he had a more difficult time entering dream land. Once in the city's boundaries; however, he stayed within its limits until 04:00. At that time he required fuel and a clean diaper. He then returned to sleepy town until 07:00. Lazy, lazy child.

As of this hour, there are no injuries to report. Even so, the captain must think that I am not physically capable of handling this mission as he sent over "The Trainer" at 10:00 for some calisthenics. She wasn't as tough as others, but she made sure that I broke a sweat. I hope the report she sends includes a note about my dedication and overall physical prowess.

I have been conducting my own observations of the infant in my care. I am quite convinced that he is a government experiment gone awry. He has mood swings similar to those of Dr. Jekyll. He seems blissfully unaware of the pain his screams cause upon his caregiver's ears. There also appears to be some damage to the wiring in his independence sector as demonstrated by the squeals of death that emit from his oral cavity when I leave the room. Oddly, those shrill sounds disappear the moment you return and place him in your arms. I must research this glitch further to see if there is a way to correct it.

Yet, he does have blocks of time where he is the model child. He'll study his toy apparatuses for nearly an hour. During this time, he makes weird babbling sounds that must be a secret code that only his makers can decipher. I am not sure if he is sending them intel about the contraption he is tinkering with or about me. I must be more careful what I say around him. It is clear that he has received training in war tactics. He uses his pleasing facial bone structure and twinkling eyes to coerce the enemy into doing his bidding. He is also quite adept at evading the enemy through a system of belly crawls and squiggles. He's a slippery little devil, that one.

Overall, I feel that his design was a successful one, but unfortunately, there was some difficulty in the implementation of the blueprint. This particular model is just too emotionally unstable for use in the field. Perhaps, given more time under my tutelage, he will improve enough to be of some use to headquarters. I make no promises in this regard. Either way, I am sure that my notes will aid in the creation of other prototypes in this series.

I must be going now. I have been given the responsibility of securing the safe transportation of two agents to the airport. Upon their arrival at IAD, they will be catching a flight to Florida where they are to find and acquire "The Wedding Dress". I do not envy them their mission.

God speed,
Agent Mellon

End Transmission

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Letter from the trenches

Mellon's Log
Day One

My tour of duty began when I was handed the wee urchin that would be solely in my care for the next 72 hours and then ushered to a house full of four other operatives each with her own personal urchin for which to care. The four of them were a loud bunch that constantly required attention and evasive maneuvering to keep them from harm's way. Luckily, the only injury I sustained was a minor headache. Nothing that would cause me to abandon my mission.

The mess hall served pizza that night...I believe this was psychological trickery designed to lead me to believe that this assignment would be a cushy one. They haven't fooled me--I know I am in for a very long, painful three days.

After chow, I was sent back to the safe house alone with my charge. The evening passed without much fussing from the bambino, but my nerves about the next morning's duties kept me from a good night's rest. No matter, I've had far worse conditions to contend with than lack of sleep. There was one casualty though: the bedroom TV. The incident is being evaluated by headquarters, but it is my personal belief that there was some unauthorized remote control usage going on. I'm not naming names.

This morning, I had a parley with one who calls himself "The Painter". The details of our encounter are classified, but I think that the brass will be pleased by our resolution.

The day was not without injury though. Today's affliction took the form of a twisted wrist and sore bottom from my slip on the black ice covering the surface of the safe house driveway. I must speak with my captain about the use of the term "safe house" to describe a location that is obviously not safe.

Later, I had to take the young whippersnapper for his bimonthly inspection at the local prison for the under 12 set. I must admit that even with my training, I was a bit tense when a mob of 9 year olds came charging toward us. The lil cherub was temporarily upset as well, but after some strategic moves on my part, we were once again in the relative safety of adult company.

The important intelligence regarding plans for next year's work placement was transmitted to the one called Sal. Couldn't tell 100%, but I believe him to be pleased with the information.

Having completed the day's objectives, I returned to the house with the miniature humanoid. I do not believed we were followed.

There is more work to be done today involving digestion and underwater breathing techniques. If I am able, I will send tomorrow's report by 16:00.

Yours in Service,
Agent Mellon

End Transmission

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Torture 101

I am not afraid to inflict mild uncomfortableness on my child for the sake of acquiring a cute picture. (see trip to Cox's farm circa Oct 06) Today's quest for cuteness included shoving chubby noodle into a snowsuit that was slightly too small, and then plopping him down in a pile of cold snow. He took it like a man though with nary a peep or whimper. That's my boy.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Little Flirt

Gran came over for dinner tonight. It took Chase a few minutes to warm up to her, but it wasn't long before he was giving her the smirk that counts as a smile and winking at her. He's quite the ladies man, my son.


Could anyone tell me how my right ear got filled with water? I haven't been swimming, haven't submerged my head in the bath tub, didn't tilt my head sideways in the shower and just let my ear fill to the brim, and to the best of my knowledge, no one has come around and poured a liter of water into my ear. So how did it get there? And what can I do to make it go away??

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The cashier's eyes got really big...

when I only paid $.47 for the following:

1 Gillette Power Fusion Phantom razor
1 tube of Crest Prohealth toothpaste
1 Clean & Clear astringent
2 Loreal Eye Pencils
2 Packs of energy gum (not sure what this is, but it was free)
1 Can of Enviga Green Tea

If the poor guy had known that I will also get $14.49 back in ECB's, he'd probably have fallen over right then and there.

Here is my proof. I still haven't figured out how to make things scan from my laptop, so I took a photo instead. Enjoy.

Just in case you wanted a close up of my total. Hee hee.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Guess who finally has chompers--er chomper

That's right. The day that we've all been waiting for has at last arrived. Chase has a tooth! Hip hip hooray! He is celebrating this baby book worthy event by continuing to stick his tongue out of the corner of his mouth in what I can only imagine as his way of saying: "Look mom, all that drool has finally led to a whole nanometer of enamel climbing out of my gums."

Earlier today, the little man was working on his scooch. He's getting quite adept at the Army man crawl and can now travel the length of the family room in less than a minute. Little bugger still hasn't figured out that lifting his belly off the ground would make it go much quicker which is actually a good thing considering that we still haven't gotten around to baby proofing. Well, that's not entirely true: Andy did bring the baby gate down from the closet, measured the doorway, and found that it was too short for the opening. And he's the brains of the operation.

I believe that when Chase becomes a famous rock star, his rider will surely state in no uncertain terms that a case of Fiji should be waiting for him in his dressing room.

"Look mom, I belly crawled all the way across the family room. Better get those gates up now."

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Book Worm

Chase loves books. Well, actually he loves anything with print: books, cards, sale papers, computer screens...he must like the patterns. Maybe he's a genius and when he looks at the words he sees hidden patterns and codes like that guy that Russell Crowe played in A Beautiful Mind. That movie was really creepy, so maybe I don't hope that Chase is a mathematical prodigy. Or if he is, he will be a well balanced, emotionally stable one who doesn't think that everyone is out to get him.

Anyway, back to the point. Lately his favorite book has been this Sesame Street Sesame Beginnings one. It has a really great rhyming pattern to it, and really bright, uncluttered, colorful pictures. Every time I bring the book out to read to him, he giggles and shakes. And yeah, he does occasionally try to eat the book, but I think that he is just trying to digest the information completely. Get it? Digest? Hee Hee.

I had gotten this book at Dollar General in Kingwood when I was visiting my parents, so I told mom to look for more. Well, she found them and they arrived in our mailbox today. You should have heard him squeal when I started reading him the one called "Bubbles, Bubbles". It was the most adorable thing in the world. Each time I turned the page, he'd just cackle again. I was laughing myself because it was so darn cute.

This uninhibited display of glee is quite a rarity for us as our son--while being adorable beyond words--is not what you would call generous with his smile and even less so with his giggles. He's more of a smirker. He'll look at you like "Yea I know you want me to smile, but I really think you look like a bozo, but b/c you gave birth to me and all I'll give you a little smirk."

The only other way we've been guaranteed to get him to smile is for Drew to sing the theme song to "Divine Design" to him. For those of you who aren't HGTV addicts, it's an instrumental tune that goes sorta like this "spee dow, bopbopspee dow, badopadop badopbup badadup". It's really quite catchy, and even more entertaining when Drew adds his own musical styling to it. If you ask him nicely, he might sing it for you. But only if you promise to smile great big and let a chuckle or two escape. No smirking allowed.

Enjoying "Bubbles Bubbles" Thank you Grandma! Oh and the rash on his chin is from his permadrool problem. When will those darn teeth get here?

Reading the paper with Mommy

Getting a ride from Daddy

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Check out my bargains!

Trip One:
I got all of the above for $1.69. This was using a combination of coupons and Extra Care Bucks. Plus, I'll get over $30 more bucks to use another time. Those 4 blue bags are Windex Wipes which I'm really excited about by the way. A wipe with windex for cleaning up messes on mirrors and glass. No paper towels needed. How cool is that?

Trip Two:
Everything pictured here for only $3.64. This is all coupon and store sale savings. The regular price of ONE box of the Cheerios was $4.19, so I got all of this for less than the price of one of those babies. Hmmm, they look kinda yummy there don't they? I think maybe I'll just go have a bowl.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

I'm trying, I'm really really trying!

Little noodle is thiiissss close to crawling. He does "The Scooch" now. He'll move his arms and legs like he's crawling, but his little round belly stays firmly planted on the floor. I imagine that soon we will need to invest in some serious child proofing materials.

This is his "I'm getting frustrated that I can't make my chubby little hands work right" look.

And this is what he looks like after one too many slurps of the bottle. No, I'm kidding. This is his "Mom, can't you see that the flash of your camera is making me resemble a wino?" look.