Tuesday, August 31, 2010

I need a time machine

Have I ever told you how much I love the Hipstamatic App? I have? Oh. Well, can you blame me for my exuberance when you see this awesome picture?

Or this one?

I mean Hipstamatic even makes a random pile of plastic toy debris look all artsy and stuff.

I just adore that vintagey feeling. I have more to share with you about our Great Weekend Beach Escape, but unfortunately I have to deal with the real world demands of unpacking, cleaning, grocery shopping and laundry first. Sometimes being so responsible is a real bummer, isn't it?

Thursday, August 26, 2010

One Million Dollars

Did you think I disappeared? Evaporated off of the planet, perhaps? Nope. At least not yet anyway. I've just been in a bit of writing funk. The kind of funk that meant I had zero interest in committing word to paper or--uh--screen. It happens sometimes.

But fear not my friends. My funkiliciousness has not kept us from keeping ourselves busy. See for yourself.

We've been running.

And shopping.
 And resting.

Oh, and playing dress up of course.

And there was that trip to the doctor today for annual check ups. I know you're all just dying to know the stats, so here you go:

                            Chase                                       Amaya

Age:                           4                                                2
Height:                  37.5"                                            36"
Weight:                 34 lb                                          35.5 lb

So yea, the 2 year old is a pound and a half heavier than the 4 year old. The doctor even said that looking at the stats, she'd think they were twins. Which didn't surprise me at all since I often hear what beautiful twins I have when we're out in public.

In other groundbreaking news, this guy:

has 20/20 vision, hears just fine, and is not color blind. That means he can be a pilot. Clear the skies! Well, if you can get him to take off his leisure suit that is.

What have I been doing? Well, I found myself kidnapped one morning by a band of masked miscreants driving this tank. 

Before I knew what was happening, I was smack in the middle of this madness--

forced to take orders from this lunatic.
In exchange for my freedom, I had to promise to take pictures for the gym's Facebook page. Apparently, super villains are not known for carrying around cameras.  I really hope the rogue appreciates my Girl Scout-worthy preparedness. And also that she quickly realizes that attempting to coerce me by employing painful torture techniques is not an ideal way to get me to comply to her demands. Chocolate works much better with far less effort to boot. A peaceful Snickers exchange doesn't have quite the same devilish panache though, does it?  I certainly wouldn't want her to be laughed out of  her Dr. Evil support group or anything. In that case, might I suggest a nice ransom note instead.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Rainbows Everywhere I Look

Today, I watched the season finale of HGTV's Design Star--it actually aired last night, but so did True Blood and Mad Men. I can only stay up so late these days. And that would be why I love Tivo: because this episode was the big winner reveal--not one to be missed, you know. I won't spill the beans here, just know that I am very pleased with the results. I had picked this contestant from the very first episode as my favorite--sparkling eyes in the title sequence get me every time. Anyway...I do have a point somewhere here. Let me think...

Oh yea. On these types of shows, they're always spouting off about finding inspiration everywhere you look. Doesn't matter if it's a home show, fashion show, or food show--it's the same mantra. Open your eyes and really see the beauty that surrounds you. Then turn around and make something to express how joyous you feel about all of this loveliness. I wanted to play along, so here's what I saw.

This was by the checkout area in Giant. I loved the neatness, colors and the fact that there was some healthy stuff there instead of just a pile of debris from a chocolate factory explosion. So I took this utilitarian beauty and made this

color-coded sock drawer! Neat and it doesn't get more functional then this, right? I really hope that somewhere out there someone with the power to give me my own TV show is reading this, since clearly I've got this "Inspiration in Unusual Spaces" thing down.

Seeing those perfectly matched socks reminds me of that game on Play with me Sesame where Bert has to match socks on a clothesline. Thinking of Bert reminded me of this picture:

So yes, I just took you from Design Star, to the grocery store, to my sock drawer and ended up at Busch Gardens all in less than 300 words. The inner-workings of my mind can be a scary place, no?

Friday, August 20, 2010

Revenge of the Mell

Do you remember back in May when someone had the nerve, the audacity to deface my beautiful car with an ode to Hokie Nation?

You might also remember that I promised to make the perpetrator pay for his crimes against humanity. I'm sure you thought I forgot about it didn't you? Well, I didn't. Up until now, I've contented myself with the odd nefarious prank designed to unnerve my enemy by reminding him that I'm still out there, biding my time. For example, there was the time I flipped the Hokie Magnet on his car upside down. I am sure the neighbors wondered who the crazy lady was maniacally cackling as she skipped away from the scene.

And while I'm thinking about it, why a Hokie Virginia Tech? I mean if you're going to make up some imaginary creature to represent your school on the field of battle, why not something awe-inspiring like a dragon or sphinx instead of a whacked-out, turkey-looking creation?  And why choose a name that is a homophone of a word whose synonyms are listed as: banal, commonplace, dull, feeble, hackneyed, stale & trite? Seems to be a bit counter-intuitive, doesn't it? And don't even get me started on the orange and maroon color combination. Anyway, the point here is that I have not forgotten my duty to avenge my poor Volvo's humiliation. Oh no.

Yesterday, provided me the perfect opportunity for my counter strike. I had unchaperoned access to my enemy's den of evil: his Hokie paraphernalia-plastered office--the very heart of his fan devotion. In this room, no space is left untouched by orange and maroon--even the knobs on the cabinetry could not escape the color clash. It was here that I would carry out my revenge. Mwah ha ha ha ha.

Do you see it? A closer look perhaps? 
Hee, hee. Infiltration complete!
Some might say that because his very kind-hearted, gentle wife is a good friend of mine, I should feel ashamed of my actions. Especially given that the very day that I carried out my plan, she had gifted my daughter with this lovely tricycle. And perhaps they would be right, but you'll never hear me apologize. Nuh uh, no way. All's fair in love and war baby. Plus, he started it.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

You Spin Me Right Round, Baby

You know how some people collect stamps or coins? Well, I collect hair doodads. Barrettes, headbands, ties, bows,claws, banana clips--I love them all. On my rare solo trips to Target, I spend 20 minutes wandering up and down the hair accessory aisle trying to choose which lovely will find its way into my cart. Joyfully, I pay for my treasure and head home with hopes high for a beautifully coiffed head of hair.

The problem that occurs is that my hair has a mind of its own. It's thick, wavy, unruly, prone to frizz and is wanted in five states for the murder of several weaker hair clips. Plus, those stylish headbands give me a headache. This,of course, means that most of the time I don't actually use the pieces in my collection for their intended use. But that's not what collecting is about is it? No, it's about the find, followed by the enjoyment of adding it to the existing compilation, and then promptly forgetting about it until the next conquest.

Given all of the above, I'm sure you won't be surprised to learn that upon spying this
on an end cap display at the grocery store yesterday, I quickly added it to my cart next to the bananas and dog bones. I mean the name Spin Pin alone was enough to get my heart palpitating. When I arrived home, I waited only long enough to put the perishables away before I pulled my prize out to experiment. The directions seemed simple enough:

and boy were the little guys cute!
But, given past experience with sprung bobby pins, I wasn't getting my hopes up just yet. They were super easy to put in--I imagine that those who partake in a nightly glass of wine will find the corkscrew motion oddly soothing. Yes, my bun is a bit off-center--completely intentional. {cough} I prefer it that way. {cough} Casual chic. Or uh something. {cough}
I did this hair do around 11:00 AM, and that sucker stayed put until I took it out at around 10 that evening. And this was no lounging around, eating bonbons kind of day. This was a sorting, purging, cleaning, rearranging, errand running, laundry conquering kind of day. I am officially impressed.

Today, I braided my still wet hair before spinning it into the bun. This is what it looked like 7 hours later.
When I took them out, I had still damp hair without that demarcation line that I get when I use an elastic to tie my wet hair up.  You can not even begin to imagine the height of my giddiness.

My next test will be Body Combat. If these babies keep my hair in place throughout an entire hour of jump kicks and scissoring, then I will build for them a throne upon which to rest their awesomeness. Oh, and in case you're wondering, this is not a paid review. I bought the Spin Pins of my own free will using my husband's money and benefit in no way from anyone reading this who chooses to also purchase them. I am just so ecstatic to have found something that requires very little energy expenditure on my part that actually tames my wicked tendrils. Plus, I wanted to use that cool camera switch feature on my iPhone. It's a win/win all the way around--like a record baby.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Nobody puts Chase in a Corner

Chase has decided that he's not happy with his role as Corey Feldman in our traveling troupe of celebrity impersonators. He's aiming for a bigger, splashier role. The boy wants to be Kanye. In fact, I think his exact words were:
“Corey, I’m really happy for you, I’m gonna let you finish, but Kanye is one of the best roles of all time.”

Or something like that anyway.

He's serious. The boy even has a plan that he is confident will get him cast as the only character deemed worthy of his own unique skill set.

Step One: Look the Part.
A quick trip to Nordstrom for some new shades, and step one is done. On to step two. 

Step Two: Perfect the act--radio edit of course

Might need a bit more work. Still the boy clearly isn't Heartless. We might just have to give him a shot. What do you think?

Monday, August 16, 2010

A Little Less Conversation

Tonight after dinner, Chase and I passed the time by looking through the Wishcraft Halloween Costume catalog. Upon spying this,

Chase most emphatically stated that he wanted to be Elvis this year. Even with the such tempting options as astronaut, firefighter, and Batman; he clung to his choice like peanut butter to bananas. He's so excited about being The King that when I told him we had to wait for the costume to arrive in the mail, he suggested that I give the mailman a call to help speed the process along. He ain't nothin but a hound dog...

Now Amaya, on the other hand, is not so solidly sold on any one costume. Which isn't so surprising given that she has multiple personalities, and that she's two. Plus, she's my daughter, so girl hasn't got a prayer of being decisive. So, I thought maybe you guys could help her out. I've narrowed the field down to these candidates:

A. Squiggly Piggly
This was what I wanted her to be last year, but I waited too long to order it and they ran out of her size. Drew votes for this costume as she would make the perfect pint-sized ambassador for his new business venture: Pig.com. I can just see her handing out marketing swag to all the little trick-or-treaters, can't you?

B: Buzz, buzz Bumble Bee

This was also a possibility last year. I think it fits her for a couple of reasons: she buzzes around the house like she's the Queen Bee & you want to watch out for her stinger.

C: Wonder Woman

Ok, so I'm envisioning matching Mother/Daughter costumes here. I've always really wanted to be Wonder Woman, but I don't think I'd look nearly as cute in my costume. I'm not sure I'm ready to be upstaged by my daughter just yet--give me 10 years or so.

D. Nurse Petunia

I'm sure after all of that candy intake, we'd appreciate having a medical professional on hand. Though since her drug of choice is chocolate chip cookies, I'm not sure she's our best bet for healing sugar-induced tummy aches.

 And finally we have Chase's choice for his sister and I quote:

E: "The Girl Elvis"

Ummm no. But don't tell Chase I said that. I plan to tell him that the Girl Elvis went on vacation to Graceland, so she won't be able to join us for Halloween this year.

So what do you think?

For RSSers:http://micropoll.com/t/KEXmJZBL13

Friday, August 13, 2010

Princess and the P

I always loved that story--you know the one where the snooty queen finds out that her house guest is an actual princess because the little waif felt one wee tiny pea under a mile high pile of mattresses? Well in this case, it isn't a 'pea' it's a 'P' as in purple. More specifically Amaya's super soft purple sheets on her new princess bed. 

It of course had to be a princess bed to match her princess castle.

Did you notice that something was missing in the edge of that first picture?

Yep, the dresser that I was fussing over a month or so ago had to find a new home.

It's a good thing princess has a royal-sized closet.

And what does lil miss think of her new resting place? Well, when I found her this morning all she kept saying was "My purple bed" and "More bed", so I'd say she likes it pretty good.

In fact, I had to drag her out of her room this morning as she kept saying 'more bed, more bed' complete with the repeated signing of 'more'.

Mama: You like your big bed, huh?
Amaya: Not big bed, giant bed.  Amaya's GIANT bed!
Mama: Oh my mistake.

  I mean what fairytale is complete without a giant, right?

You may be wondering how we knew it was time for her to have a big girl bed. Well, our first clue was when she barely fit on the toddler bed which meant we often found her sleeping with her head hanging off one side and her feet dangling off the other. Our second clue was when she slept just fine alone in a big bed at Grandma & Grandpa's house. Finally, the deciding factor was when little petunia successfully used the potty.

If that smile isn't deserving of a fluffy princess bed, then I just don't know what is.

Monday, August 09, 2010


No, not the musical. My hair. I know how you all love the self portraits I take on days I have my tresses professionally styled. Unfortunately, I forgot to take them this time. But, I do have a small handful of photos that will provide you, gentle reader, with a hair makeover timeline. I bet you're so excited that you're practically bouncing in your office chair right now, aren't you? Well ok then, let's get this party started.

Above, we have the compulsory before shot. Yes, I know you can't see my hair very well in this picture. That's because I didn't actually take it to be used as a before shot. I took it to show my mom how cute my $4.00 thrift store Hanna Andersson dress looks. I love this dress for a couple of reasons.
1) It's cotton and super comfy.
2) It's an XS. Yes, I realize that is probably the reason it was at the thrift store--some true XS person put it on and got lost in it. When her family finally found her three days later, she shoved the dress into the giveaway box vowing to never order clothes through catalogs again.  Even knowing that this is likely the case, I choose to selectively forget that the dress was mislabeled and instead focus on those two letters: XS.

Since my day of before picture is not really hair focused, I will share with you a picture that was taken two days before my hair appointment.

Have you ever seen so many split ends! Dry! Dry! Dry! Oh and you can't even see the worst part in that photo due to my copious use of creative parting: my out of control grey patch.  What?  You want to see it? You want me to post a picture of my hideous, premature, old lady hair???  Online for the entire world to see? Sure. Why not.

Nuts, right? This is why you'll find me at the salon every six weeks without fail. I'd look like a skunk if I let it go. Could be a decent Halloween costume...maybe I'll consider it one day. But not today.

Now, I didn't plan on doing a post like this. I planned to just do my normal, silly photos after I was all sleek and pretty. But I forgot to take my Kindle to the salon. And as I've mentioned, the place is a time-sucking vortex of boredom laced with just a touch of sitting-still-too-long agitation. So, I tried to distract myself by taking photos with my iPhone and posting them to Facebook. First up: my Elvira inspired look.

Then we have a little background entertainment. I am shocked--shocked!--by such behavior in public.

Actually, I think they were just close talking, but like I said I was a wee bit bored. At that point, I can turn even the tiniest of observations into detailed story lines. It's a gift. Really.

And finally: the finished product. 

 Split ends no more! We'll see ya back here in six weeks. Wait, is anyone still reading this?

Despicable Chase

He also does a mean Maneater. Mad, mad skills yo.

Saturday, August 07, 2010

Our Own Little Gremlin

I took this picture of Chase yesterday:

and now all I can think of when I see my child is young Corey Feldman's character Pete in Gremlins.

So, with my mom as Megan Fox, me as Shannen Doherty, and Chase as Corey Feldman, I'd say we're well on our way to having our own SNL style, satirical celebrity 'reality' show.  A few more key cast members, and we'll be ready to hit the road. Anyone out there look like Kanye?

Friday, August 06, 2010

What are you doing here?

Can you believe that this little petunia of mine turned two last Saturday? Insanity is what it is. Complete insanity.

I thought that I should do a quick little post outlining some of the little turkey's favorite things. The photos above & below illustrate a few items on my list: her love of shopping, her desire to accessorize to the hilt and her complete disregard for the state of her clothes and hair. Clearly, she gets all of those traits from me. It's almost like looking in the mirror--minus the whole mini-Drew look she's sporting.

She loves to sing and dance complete with choruses of giggles.

In her spare time she is a Trouble Hunter--the best in five counties! She can locate that varmint faster than anyone I know.

When she plays, she PLAYS wholeheartedly and with enough enthusiasm to power several high school cheer squads through an entire football season.

She also has little fear, showing no concern for her own physical well being. Luckily this approach to life has not resulted in any injury to her, though it has given me heart palpitations.

I also must take responsibility for her palate preferences. Girl has a sweet tooth the size of Texas. She would live on berries and bananas if given the choice. When she encounters a confection that she's not sure how to handle like the hard chocolate covering that is keeping her from that tasty vanilla ice cream for instance,

she simply looks to older, wiser ice cream eaters for advice. It isn't long before she masters the new skill.

Like a puppy, she seeks praise for her new found abilities--"Look PaPa, I did it!"

Let's see, what else? Her hair is finally long enough for a little ponytail though she rarely stays still long enough for me to give her one.
 She loves her babies. Every time we go to Target she wants another one or at the very least some accessories to go with the ones she has. She plops them down in her stroller and zooms around the house saying. "Baby. Walk." She doesn't show a particular preference for any single doll because she prides herself on being an equal opportunity cuddler.
See that mess in the background there? Yea. She likes to completely empty her dresser drawers during nap time. My mother claims that I did the same thing, but until I see proof I refuse to believe it myself.

How about some of her favorite phrases? We've got:

"What are you doing here?" --with the "here" pronounced like she's a distant relative of the Kennedy clan.

"One More"--said with her pointer finger held up in front of her mouth like she's whispering her request. One more isn't necessarily a quantity reference as it really just means keep giving her what she wants until she grows bored with the process. Could be 1, 10, 25, 125.

"Erfect!" --describing anything that she deems perfect. Sometimes she uses the word a little sarcastically like here in the video right around the time she drops the pig hat.

"Again!" --anything you do that she likes (funny faces, singing songs, reading books, dancing, shopping, etc)  she'll request that you do it again. And again. And again. Often used in conjunction with "One More".

"Right back" --her way of informing me she's off to do something. Usually involves finding that trouble again. She is a dedicated huntress.

"Chase! Knee!" --tattle tale phrase to let me know that Chase offended her in some manner. May or may not actually involve her knee.

"Amaya's pretties" --we call her hair doodads pretties. She likes me to put them in her hair so she can see how fast she can yank them back out. Fun game.

"Amaya. Turn." --spoken when she wants you to get out of her way so she can try.

"Amaya. Pink." --anything pink automatically belongs to her.

"Amaya. Rose." --the speaking of her name performed in a way similar to how computerized telephone voices patch together words to make sentences. Very disjointed but completely adorable.

You might notice that a number of her oft repeated phrases center around her own name. That there is very indicative of her overall personality. She is a princess, and we are all here to do her bidding.

And I just can't imagine where she ever got such an idea.