5 July 2011

1 July 2011

A Laundry PSA

It is not advisable to include in your wash an entire roll of toilet paper.  Doing so will certainly not make your clothes come out Angel Soft--trust me. 

 

And you'll probably be picking up bits of toilet paper for the next 6 to 7 weeks. 

File Under: Another reason I need a cage for the kids.

Of note

*A conversation from this morning:

Mama: Morning Mr. Goo. How are you doing today?

Chase: I forget. I can't remember how I'm doing. Too many questions Mama.

*Amaya spent the entire day at school in dry underwear. Upon arriving home she proceeded to have two accidents.

*I am going to the store tomorrow to buy more girls' 4T underroos.

*I finished DeChristmastizing the house. You can thank the 40° temperatures for this. Otherwise the outside might have stayed lit in all its holiday glory until April. March at the earliest.

*I use this website as a cheat sheet when I have to add special characters like degree symbols to blog posts. Shhh. Don't tell.

*I think Haikubes might be one of my all time favorite Hanukkah presents. Words. On cubes. Does it get any better? I doubt it.

 

*After our Christmas visit, I've been thinking a bit about my brother and the fact that he's a man now. It's hard to wrap my brain around that because in my mind he still looks like this 90% of the time. 

*I've decided I'm ok with him growing up and stuff--as long as he remembers that I'm still the big sister. That means that every once in awhile he has to let me me tackle him to the ground and tickle him until he can't breathe just like the good ole days. That's not too much to ask for is it? 

Will it ever end?

Do you want to know a secret about me? I'm stubborn. Ok, so some of you are laughing hysterically right now because you're thinking this isn't really a secret. But I think the secret part lies in just how stubborn I am. For instance, despite the fact that I am so bored by this whole December Daily thing that I want to stab my eyes repeatedly with a sharpened candy cane, I am trudging on because it is a goal that I set for myself, and I can't think of a single excuse that my headstrong nature will buy to get me out of it. So here we go again assuming anyone is still around to read it. Which is doubtful since I imagine y'all are just as bored as I am.


Are you lucky enough to start your morning with an impromptu concert by two highly (un)skilled pianists? No? Well, then you might not want to look at this picture then--I wouldn't want your jealousy to flare up or anything.

Today my partner-in-gym-crime was under the weather so I was forced to get my cardio in on a boring cross training machine by myself. That meant there was no one to gossip and laugh with about stupid products like shake weights and pajamagrams.  Those 60 minutes felt like time spent in purgatory though I'm not sure what sin I was serving them for--there are so many to choose from but my money is on the half a red velvet cake I ate over Christmas. In an effort to keep myself from watching as each second ticked by on the clock, I engaged in the following activities:

1. I surveyed my fellow gym goers and graded them on whether or not I thought their attire was appropriate.
2. I watched MSNBC and learned that it's possible that I could go to jail if I read Drew's email without his permission. 
3. I chatted about the weather with a lovely old lady on the rower thingy in front of me. Except that she talked really quietly and I could hardly hear her over the whirring of the equipment
4. I played games with myself by constantly changing the level all around on the machine. I call it modified interval training by Mellon. I plan to patent the technique just as soon as I find someone to fill out all of the paper work for me.

Still, the time DRAGGED. Yet 60 minutes in Body Combat flies by and leaves me wanting more. Einstein was on to something with that whole relativity thing.

As if I hadn't been tortured enough for one day, I came home to do the dreaded chore of DeChristmastizing the house.

I strongly dislike this particular chore. I think I may have taken my ire out on a helpless woodland creature or two.

So sad. I tried and tried to come up with some use for a headless deer, but was able to produce nada. So I passed that buck right on into the trash. I do feel a bit guilty about this.

Chase's music lesson was moved to Tuesday nights, so our new ritual will be to grab a quick Mama/Chase dinner before class.

Except that Mama wasn't really feeling Chase's choice of McDonald's, so she chose a liquid meal in the form of a latte at Starbucks instead. While I was there, this cute girl in a green coat looked at me and said, "Hi Laura" but I hadn't the foggiest idea who she was. I felt so rotten. So I smiled and said hello, and generally pretended like I knew her too. After she left, I turned my attention to my book: The Power of Body Language by Tonya Reiman and quickly realized that the body language signals my subconscious was sending betrayed my lie which made me feel like an even bigger arse. So the lesson here is this: don't go to Starbucks for dinner; eat the quarter-pounder with cheese instead.

The Final Monday

I never thought I'd see this day. Or rather that this day would see a blog post, yet here I am on the 27th day of December staying strong on the whole daily posting thing. Though I do have to tell you that in the month of January, you'll be lucky if you get a post a week. I believe they call this a recovery period.

So yea. Monday. And even worse, the Monday after Christmas. That's a whole lot of boring right there: clean up, restore a bit of order, laundry, groceries, and not even a gym date to break the monotony up. Add into that the final meal with the Gparents, and you've pretty much set yourself up for a day spent in the doldrums.

Then after the kids went off school, I contemplated perhaps deChristmasifying the house. I stumbled into the dining room and was met with this:

Yea, that mess of stuff has been sitting there since I Christmasified the house at the beginning of the month. I never got around to putting these unused pieces away. Martha has taken back my Quality Homekeeper's card. Having been put face to face with my own sloth, I decided to wallow in it one more day. I'll tackle the dismantling of the decorations that had the honor of making it off of the dining room table tomorrow. Maybe. 

We finally wound the day down with a little piano practice for Chase.

It's like the blind leading the blind here. Sometimes I think that I dreamed having those years of piano lessons. Musical aptitude = nil. And so does this post, really.

And in this corner

Weighing in at less than a pound...

Bernard the Energetic Elf!

That snowman never stood a chance y'all.

Tap out. Kinda puts me in the mind of myself today when I went to my temporary gym home--

--and Jeanne told me I needed to have deep, meaningful thoughts about my buttocks. Frankly I think she's gone and lost her ever-loving mind. But, I did take a moment to have deep, meaningful thoughts about how grateful I am for parking lots that paint the bumper parking lines:

I'll take any extra help I can get. Speaking of--it is now 5 days until Christmas and I have not wrapped even a single kidlet present. Which seems a bit wrong to me since I think I've spent at least a decade in my scrap room (w)rapping my little heart out.  I guess I'm just slow.

Of course, if I didn't have to stop to do laundry, take out the trash, clean the bunny cage and eat a cookie, I'm sure I'd be a lot further along. And I guess I could have gone up there right after dinner to toil away at it some more. But sometimes, you just really need to stop and enjoy life with two little snuggle bunnies on your lap.

It'll get done eventually. And if not, I can always blame an elf strike for any unwrapped presents under the tree, right?

Caught him!

Bernard, I do believe you've been Elf-napped. How much ransom do you think Santa would be willing to pay to get this little trickster back?  We don't really need him anymore because Chase has decided that he will just use Buzz Lightyear instead.

I think I may have started a fad. Now I'll be finding toys in odd places all over the house. But I'm sure it can't possibly be as big a mess as the one Drew created with his new TV.

Apparently, our new remote requires the use of two lap tops to set up and necessitates hand-written instructions for Mellon to be able to use it. I can't be the only one who finds this to be a bit absurd.

Do you know what else is absurd? Trying to get a decent picture of 8 kids under age 5.  This one is the best I've got I think.

Admittedly, it probably would go better if they weren't all hyped up on Christmas party adrenaline. But who can blame them--it was an awesome party. See:

Thanks go to Molly for hosting such a fantastic party for all of us.  And also for taking half of the above photos. 


Today, I'd like to leave you with this little video. This is Chase trying to teach his sister how to swish water in her mouth after brushing her teeth. It's quite comical.

To be honest though, I'm not sure he has the patience to follow his mother's footsteps into education. Only time will tell.

Tape Fixes Everything

Oh to be a kid again and get to play in a bowl full of silver Christmas bulbs. Or um something.

Actually even though I'm not a kid, today was pretty much just all fun and games. I got to laze around in the morning reading magazines and then have lunch with my husband. After that, I was like a kid in the candy store except there was no store. Oh, and it wasn't candy it was cookies. So I guess the simile doesn't quite work does it? Never mind then. Just look at the picture.

Normally when I bake cookies I end up eating a good portion of the dough before it ever has a chance to go in the oven. But with my lack of an appetite, that wasn't really a problem this year. And well, that kind of made me sad. So I drowned my sorrows in wrapping paper and tape while listening to Mumford & Sons sing about Winter Winds. As much as I gush about them, the band should probably just start paying me some residuals or something. I think I'll write them about that right now.

Let's see, what else? Oh right. Drew's new TV got installed today. Frankly, I'd never know it had changed if the old one weren't currently leaning against the chair next to me.  My friend Eva told me I'm supposed to ask what it's black something or other is. See how important I thought it was--I can't even remember.

There is one amazing benefit to your husband getting a new TV though: he finally gets around to cleaning out the abyss that is the electrical closet.

I have been nagging and nagging about this black hole for months. Years even. I can't for the life of me understand why one television set requires so many little boxes, cables, wires and remotes. I mean is all of this necessary? Really?

 

I think Drew believes that if it has a label, I won't throw it away. So he sticks little blue painting tape labels on all of the wires. The kids have latched on to this theory by insisting that their most prized possession also get a label.

There Bernard, your poor chewed hat doesn't look so bad now, does it? See, tape fixes everything.

Dozing on the Dozen

It's been a lazy Sunday here at Club Mellon. We certainly didn't do anything nearly as entertaining as whatever Bernard was up to last night. The kids got quite a kick out of finding him joyriding with Barbie--it might be their most favorite Elf position yet.

Me? Well, I've had a sinus headache all day which I am choosing to blame on this rainy, dreary day we've had. All I wanted to do was curl up in my nice warm bed and take a nap. So I did. Twice. And it was good.

Drew? Well he was up to no good today as demonstrated by my earlier tweets. First there was this one:

You wouldn't think you'd have to tell your husband not to call the children "butt cracks" but apparently I do.

That one came as he was taking them up for their nap--and yes both kids were proudly showing off their cracks, but is that really any reason to say: Let's go butt cracks? I mean really. I just know I'm going to get a call from Chase's teacher telling me he's been going around the playground screaming "Butt Cracks!" at the top of his lungs. It's like I'm raising a third child here.

And that wasn't even all the trouble the man caused--here's my second tweet of the day:

When I see Drew walking around with a measuring tape eyeing the TV, I swear I can hear ominous chords playing in my head.

 

According to my dear, sweet husband our 4 year old TV is "horribly outdated". Um, whatever dude. Tell Santa about it--but after your earlier behavior today I'm not sure the man in red will be sensitive toward your pleas. But wait, here he comes now---you can argue your case in person. 

I don't think those crazy ghost light eyes are scoring you any points though.

Next year, I promise to be better prepared and have my real camera handy to take these pictures of the Santa parade. I feel confident I'll be able to work that in somewhere between naps 1 & 2.

Wake up!

If you stopped by earlier today, you might have thought that I was trying to slide a fast one by you with a picture-less December Daily post. But come on now, do you really think I would do something like that. Ok, you're right. I would. In fact I might even one day in the future. But today I do have a couple of cute pictures to share.Which means that I'm actually doing two posts on this the 10th day of December. Does that get me a candy cane? No? How about a mint then?

So what are we going to do today? The same thing we do everyday...try to find the elf!

Everyone loves a good Rudolph story dontcha know. They also love really cool T-shirts that their moms pick out for them:

Handsome little devil, isn't he? And his sister? Well she's a rock star.

Who really likes Twizzlers and purple hats.

And their mother? Well, she was looking exceptionally cute today.

But despite this undeniable adorableness, she couldn't find a single soul willing to take her to lunch. So all of that cute was wasted though she did finally break down and check this annoying chore off of her list:

 

With 50 miles to spare too. Has to be a record. And their father? Well he finally got to show off his mad computer skills when he installed Chase's computer game. 

He also got an earful for not jumping at the chance to take his wife out when she was looking so fine. He'll regret it when tomorrow rolls around and I'm back to my normal looking self.  Snooze ya lose Drew. Ya snooze ya lose.

Here's the Thing

This December Daily thing? It kind of assumes that I lead an interesting enough life to have something document-worthy to share everyday. And well folks, that just ain't the case. But I'll do my very best with what I've got--and you can read along or hold out for a more interesting tale. Your choice.

Today started just as every other--with an elf hunt. 

 

Once that little sprite was found though, the fit throwing, leg kicking, whine-a-thon began in earnest. I sat at one end of the table eating my Wheaties while the kids nit picked at each other in volumes inappropriate for indoor use. Luckily for me, I have a very neat skill of being able to just tune it all out and stare off into space pretending that I'm actually lying on a beach in Waikiki. Well, until one of the little urchins comes and screams right in my face that is...but that's motherhood for you I guess.

Speaking of motherhood, I had the pleasure of performing abdominal exercises today that made me feel like I was going to give birth right there on the gym floor. I cried. No really I did. Tears mixed with the sweat for a delightful "Just got my rear end handed to me" glow.

After that, I got to go to the time sucking vortex known as the hair salon. 3 long hours I spent there. Enough time for 4 different people to tell me "Nice boots" which I have decided is the new modern day small talk initiating phrase that has replaced the "How about that weather" of yesteryear. Or maybe not. I mean they are really cute boots.

In that 3 hours, I had enough time where someone wasn't fussing with my tresses to get this far in my book--

which I highly recommend if you like quirky, satirical, thought provoking essays on our culture. For my patience and general all around awesomeness, my stylist gave me a holiday present. 

I love presents! Especially surprise presents. So, I left the salon a happy girl indeed. I would have been anyway though--I mean just check out how sleek & shiny my hair is when I leave:

I don't think it's ever been that straight before. I know for a fact that I'll never get it to look that good again. I have not the patience to flat iron 1" sections of hair. Or blow dry it half the time. 

So that was pretty much my day right there. The only other even remotely notable thing is that I found my plates in this state when unloading the dishwasher. 

 

So tonight I will be editing my letter to Santa to include new everyday dishes. It's a good thing that I've been extra nice this year, isn't it?

December 4 = Presents Galore

December 4, 2010

I've shown you what the children look like in the morning, so I thought today I'd shake things up a bit and  take a picture of what I look like--hair unbrushed, pjs, & all. Are you ready? You sure, now?
Ok here it is:

Sleepppy eyes. This is pre-coffee, so it's pretty rough. But I had to wake up quick because we had an elf hunt to embark on.



Look Mama! I found Bernard!

Whoa, what was that elf up to last night? I don't think Santa would be happy to know that his little spy has been hanging from the chandeliers.

Soon it was time to pack up the car to go celebrate Hanukkah with the family. This is what we left with:

and this is what we came home with:

How did we get from here to there? Well let me show you:


  Have you ever seen a kid look so downtrodden when surrounded by presents? I have---when he has to patiently wait his turn to tear into them.

You can try prying that ballerina from her death grip, but I can tell you right now that the effort will get you nowhere fast.

A couple of scenic views. You won't find a better picture of commotion this side of the Atlantic Ocean.

 Mmmm cupcakes! That second photo there? Yea, that's my loot. Haikubes, tea, mugs, a scarf & sweater, cupcakes, and a shower cap. An odd assortment to be sure, but totally me, right? I think my family might actually know me or something. Creepy.

Quite possibly Drew's all time favorite Hanukkah gift right here. Jan is positively giddy at finally finding something that made the man smile. Well done Nana, well done. Special thanks going out to our favorite PR rep Joey D for hooking Nana up with the photo. That's two mentions, in two blog posts. One more and it wouldn't be beyond reason to label me a stalker. That might be kind of fun though, so I might just have to do it. I'll see what I can come up with.

All of that quality merchandise, and this 'mask' could be Chase's favorite item:

Well, until he remembered this one anyway.

 

And that's his sister in the background fluffing a blanket 987 times over Bah-Bee. Fussing with her blanket could be her most favorite activity. In dance class, she'll take all the pretty scarves that she's supposed to be twirling around with and make a cozy little bed for herself to lie on instead. Girlfriend is one odd duck. 

Our final activity for the night was tree decorating. This year, I was smart and hung all of the breakable ornaments prior to letting the kids have it. I also split the remaining ornaments 50/50 between the two of them so that they each had their own little bag to pull from. These two things made for a fun, relaxing tree trimming experience. That's how Mellon likes for things to roll.

"Look Mama, it's a treble clef!"   Guess those music lessons are paying off. Thank you Bach 2 Rock.

Amaya preferred to clump all of her ornaments together on the same branch. I sneakily spread them out when her back was turned. Guess I'm the Grinch now, huh? 

All done! Yes, the tree is still leaning slightly to the right. I don't care. At least not enough to do what it would take to fix it. Also, I need a lot more ornaments--and no, I'm not just saying that to justify buying myself some more Starbucks ones. But it's kind of an added bonus, isn't it.