Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Dream Weaver

So it's probably no big surprise that at times I can be a bit--um--anxious. If I didn't already know this about myself, I would have found it out when I googled "dreaming about not attending class all semester" as apparently these types of dreams are quite common manifestations of the angst that can lurk in the depths of one's pysche. It would seem that I am more emo than I knew as I find myself having this dream quite often. Of course, my version doesn't exactly follow the normal pattern, but that really isn't a big shock either, now is it?

My dream always involves an elective math class for veterinary school. In the dream, I go to the class and then decide that I'd rather take an english class instead. But I forget to withdrawal from the first class, so I end up with an F on my transcript. I always wake up sure that I really do have a marred Ohio State University transcript sitting in the filing cabinet downstairs. For those first few minutes of consciousness, I am really and truly freaked out. This puzzles me for a few reasons:
  1. I was only in vet school for one quarter before I admitted to myself that I really didn't want to be a veterinarian--so why is that the setting for this dream? Is it because I feel like I've let down all those classmates who voted me Most Likely to Succeed since my definition of success found me being an elementary school teacher turned stay-at-home mom? I guess it makes sense in a way because even though my time there was brief, it was a major turning point in my life. So maybe the dream has me returning again and again to that moment like it's the crossroads montage scene in a coming of age movie?
  2. Why Math vs. English? Is this representing some internal struggle that I've had because I thought being smart meant I had to go the math/science route, despite the fact that I actually enjoyed writing and reading more? Am I subconsciously regretting that I never pursued writing as a career? Does my subconscious think that I'm not measuring up to my potential now that I've thrown away my math/science brain? Or am I neurotically reading too much into the dream by looking for an answer to a riddle that was never posed?
  3. Why do I care so much about an F in the dream? In real life, I skipped at least half of my lectures. The night before my canine anatomy final found me at home watching 7th Heaven reruns instead of in the lab studying with all of my peers. Clearly, I wasn't engaged in my studies, yet I still managed a 3.21 GPA.  Am I feeling guilty knowing that I could have had the 4.0 if I would have put forth just a bit of effort? Do I feel like maybe I should have gotten an F or two as that would probably have been the fairest representation of the grade I deserved based on the amount of work I did? And what does it matter anyway? I withdrew from the program 3 weeks later. And that was 10 years ago. Why is this still floating around in my brain? Which brings me to my final question...
  4. What kinds of anxiety dreams do people who have been home schooled have?
If anyone out there has any sort of insight into any of the above, please share them with me. It appears I'm in need of a little psychoanalysis.


  1. Anonymous7:57 PM

    at a gazzillion dollars an hour, a shrink just might come up with an answer, but my guess is it's just something you didn't really want to do. If that makes sense to you, get rid of that nightmare. Pleasant dreams. Love, Gran

  2. Thanks for saving me a gazillion dollars Gran!