Thursday, July 22, 2010

Bringing Mediocrity to a Gym Near You

Fellow gym-goers: You know those days when you're just on fire? Those times when everything just flows organically? When your body just knows what you want it to do and does it with apparent ease? When you can actually feel the targeted muscle contracting with every repetition?  Those moments when you're so in the zone that you think to yourself, "Eat that Jane Fonda" every time you happen to catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror? Yes? Well, today was not one of those days.

 Today everything was just HARD. Lunges, squats, curls, planks--all things that I've been doing for years--felt like alien movements to my body. On top of all of that, I had no balance and my rhythm was way off.  I could go into further, minute detail about just how not a superstar I was today, but I think I'll just leave it at this: I was the headlining star of an impromptu slapstick comedy hour at Gold's Gym today. The audience certainly got their money's worth, no doubt. 

The more I teetered and wobbled, the worse my attitude became. I was so frustrated that I just wanted to hurl myself on to the floor and kick and scream until someone made it all better. I might have too, if I hadn't been in the weight room at the time--I don't even want to think about the nastiness that rubber floor is harboring. Plus, I don't think I'd enjoy a padded cell--at least not after the initial novelty wore off.

At the end of the hour, I felt really bad for having subjected poor Jeanne to my foul mood. Don't get me wrong, I'm never enthusiastic about exercise, but today went well beyond my usual sarcastic whining and finagling. I was a bear to be around, and I hadn't given anywhere near my best effort. Being the upstanding citizen that I am, I knew I had to apologize.

L: Sorry about today. I'll bring my A game next time.
J: No worries.
L: No wait, I think my A game might have gone on vacation. I'll shoot for my B- game instead. That's still way better than the D effort I gave today.
J: Couldn't get much worse.
L: Wait, do they have grades in Ireland? Do you even know what I'm talking about?
J: Yea they have grades, but the scale is a bit different. A is 100-85. B is 84-70---15 points per letter. So B- would be about 70% effort.
L: Hmmm, a nice solid C might be more attainable. I think I can manage 50% effort.
J: Still an improvement. 

She's such a good friend that she actually felt bad enough for me that she gave me some gym swag:

She's been raving about this Xango juice for weeks. If what she says is true, I'll have clearer skin, longer hair and the energy of a hummingbird on speed by the end of the week. Or as Jeaane says: "This might just help you bring your C+ game."  I guess anything's possible. I'll let you know. At the very least, the bottle's cool to look at, right?


  1. yes i've never heard of that but it comes in a cool bottle, so it gets a thumbs up from me.

  2. It's actually pretty tasty too. Not sure about the other reputed benefits yet. I'll keep you posted.