Weak heart

It is a virtue to have empathy, to be able to feel the pain of others. But if you are like me and have a weak heart, one that bleeds tears of sorrow for others so readily, empathy can also be a force that crushes. You can get so wrapped up in the whys, the should haves, and the how comes that you forget to enjoy the fleeting moments on this earth that you have that are truly blessed. I know for sure that I made the right decision in leaving the field of veterinary medicine, because I know that the daily exposure to pain, suffering and death would have beaten me down to a point where true joy would have been an emotion rarely felt. While I never want to become so desensitized to the pain of others that I cease to feel that tug on my heart, I know that I must limit my exposure to the horrors of this world, because my heart simply can't take it. I am too weak.

So I have found ways to hide from misery--I change the channel, turn off the radio, turn the page. But this week, there was no escape. The TV played images of the VT nightmare and grief over and over and so goes my mind in an unrelenting repetition of what I imagine those students felt--how frightened they must have been. And the professors who had so much to offer the world who were sharing their knowledge with America's future...gone. In the blink of an eye. And the moms and dads miles away not knowing the fate of their children. Willing the phone to ring, but dreading it as well. How can humans endure such pain and go on? But we must, and we will. We must say our prayers, grieve for what was lost and what could have been and move on.

This week has been hammering away at the fortress that I have been trying to build to shield myself from the pain and suffering. On top of the tragedy that befell those innocent lives in Blacksburg, there was another unfathomable event eating away at my dreams. A mother on one of the scrapbook boards I read found out that her 12 year old son has terminal colon cancer. How as a mother do you deal with that...to have your pain, your fears, your anger and yet have to be so strong for the life that you brought into this world, the life that is being snuffed out long before its due? I don't know this woman beyond what she has written on the boards over the years, have never spoken to her, yet I internalize this tragedy imagining that it is not her son, but mine--playing the movie over and over in my head, until it feels almost like her pain is my own. And there is no escape--for once the thought has entered my mind, it finds ways to make itself known throughout the day. And so my heart cries out for reprieve.

And my heart's cry was heard in a small, but powerful way. Along with all of the outpouring of support for those involved in Monday's events, there is another joy to be found--a reason to be grateful for the goodness of man. This good tiding comes in the form of a benefit for this mother and her family, a benefit organized by the scrapping community that is being driven by others, who like me, have never met this woman, never spoken with her, never even seen her in person. People who feel her pain and want to help to ease it in anyway that they can. No questions asked. You can read about their effort at http://www.benefitforjen.blogspot.com/ . While the week's events have left another hole in my heart, the selfless giving of a few have gone a long way toward repairing the damage.

Mr. Social

Today, we went to Allie's first birthday party. Chase was a social butterfly crawling all around the room and chatting up strangers. I was really surprised by how independent he was--he couldn't have cared less where mom and dad were. Well, that is until he got tired and let loose his patented squeal of death. Now that is a way to shut down a party really quickly. So, we left after only 2 hours of playing fun. I didn't even get any birthday cake, but considering I have to walk across a stage in front of 50,000 people in a week and a half, that's probably a good thing.

I don't care if it is your birthday, give me my toy back!

Hi, my name is Chase. Who are you?

Easter 07 in photos

Another Easter has come and gone and was as always filled with much gorging on chocolate, ham, eggs and sweet rolls. Chase delighted in all of the attention from his G Ma and G Pa, and now he believes that he needs to be held and entertained 22 of the 24 hours in a day.

Being entertained while the family colors eggs

Bathtime!

The loot

Long live the Easter Bunny!

Mommy's Little Helper Available Upon Request

Chase is now available for part time employment as a mommy's helper. Or, more precisely, he is offering the service of throwing all of your freshly folded laundry out of the basket and onto the floor. He's quite the little helper and is very happy in his task as you can see from the photos. References available upon request. Not available in all areas. Certain restrictions apply.

Little Stinker

You can't see it in the photo, but Chase's hat says "Little Stinker" and that's just what he is alright. He's zooming all over the place now, and soon he will be cruising as his new favorite pastime is using the ottoman to pull himself up to a standing position. He has also started to get really excited when it's time to eat. The mere sight of his bottle causes him to kick his feet and let loose a high pitched squeal of glee.

Chase's friend Allie has the chicken pox. We were a bit worried that Chase would start resembling the elephant from Rudolph, but so far I see not a single dot on him. That's right, it looks like we will be pock free in month number three. Of course, we could be very sore in the month of four...

Why 8 month old boys should not go dress shopping

Yesterday, I decided that we'd been locked up in this house too long, so off we went to the Dulles mall. Now this was probably not the most brilliant idea that I have ever had considering that Chase is still a well-oiled snot factory with his latest product of snot bubbles currently in mass production. But then again, you really shouldn't be surprised by my choices, no one ever said that I was the brightest bulb in the box.

We get to the mall where I begin to check things off of my "must do" list.

1. Spend Gymboree bucks. Check
2. Buy extra long tanks from Old Navy before the only color choices left are lime
and fuchsia. Check
3. Purchase pajamas for Chase in bigger size. Ignore warning label about needing snug fit or baby goes up in flames. Check

I was feeling pretty good about having accomplished these three goals with only minor fussing and the sacrifice of just 2 paper towels to phlegm clean up. So, I thought to myself, "Self, you need to find a formal dress to wear to Vegas for your Arbonne Awards celebration. Remember, you are going to be walking across stage in front of thousands of adoring fans, so you must look presentable. Now would be the perfect time to try to find said dress."

So naively, I head to Macy's thinking that not only would I find a magnificent frock, but the process would go smoothly. Ha, Ha, double Ha. First, I must find the formal dress section of the store which of course is in the opposite direction of the way that I set out. Then I have to navigate Chase's stroller around the racks of clothes that are too close to one another while looking at one hideous garment after another. Formal does not mean that you need your entire top half covered in sequins and sparkles people. Also, 60 year old women who go on cruises is not your only market for a formal dress...wait it just occurs to me that it is prom season. I should have hit the juniors section...oh wait, I wouldn't fit in any of those dresses. Aack!

Finally, at the very end of the formal area, I spy a simple, red, halter dress that would be perfect--if it fits. So, I gamely head into the dressing area where--surprise, surprise--every dressing room is piled high with unwanted clothes because nearly everyone is too lazy to put her cast offs on the rack RIGHT OUTSIDE THE DOOR. After plowing a path, I attempt to push the stroller into the dressing room, and by room, I mean teeny, tiny closet. The stroller barely squeezes through the door, and once inside it takes up 92% of the floor space--and it's my little stroller! Imagine if I had the humungo Graeco with me?? Am I the only mother who needs to try on clothes with a little one in tow? I think not--listen up Mr. Macy--build bigger dressing rooms.

Picture this: I'm trying to wiggle out of my clothes and into a gown in exactly 10 square inches of space and young Master Chase is getting cranky.

Me: There, there Mommy just needs to pull her shoes off. Ouch. Shoe hits mom in head I need to try on this pretty dress to see if I can wear it to Vegas. Pants land on Chase's feet.
Chase: Waaaahh Gaa DaDa (translation: get me out of here crazy lady)

Me: Ummpfh Just let me....get....dress...on...where's the dang neck of this stupid dress? What am I supposed to do with this sash? Why are the straps so loose?? Looks a little big doesn't it? Guess it's not going to work for Mommy is it?

Chase: Waahhh Waaahhh Wahh DaDaDaDa (translation: you look ridiculous, where is my dad?)

Me: Ok, just let mommy get dressed again. Where is my other shoe?? Begins frantically throwing unwanted clothes around looking for shoe. Finds it behind stroller. Really Chase, is this outburst necessary? Mommy is trying to hurry. We'll be going in a minute, you know--sixty seconds? Count to sixty with Mommy, Chase. 1, 2, 3........

Lady in next Dressing room: Snickers a little too loudly for my liking

Chase: Waahhhh, Waaahhhh, Wahhhhhh (translation: I plan on howling for the next 2 hours straight as punishment for your bringing me here)

So we left. And, yes, I hung the red halter mess on the rack outside the door.

Drive by posting

Just a few pictures today...no sizzling commentary I am afraid to say. Maybe next time.

Looky what I can do now!

I haven't been feeling well, can you see the snot crusties under my nose?

Mother Nature is such a tease

So...the last three days have been lovely. Spring is in the air, flowers are blooming, and birds are chirping. Time to break out the sun dresses and capris right?? Wrong. The universe has decided that after three straight days of >60 degree weather, we shall now have a sudden drop in temperature and a winter storm warning. Fan-freakin-tastic.
In other news...this has been a very busy week for Mr. Chase. He's gotten his second tooth, has progressed to being a master crawler, he can raise himself up to a kneeling position which he finds handy for digging through his toy basket, and he took five steps today with mommy holding his hands. Everyday is a new adventure with this one. In honor of the speed of change, I present to you a baker's dozen list of things that I enjoy about Chase.

1. The way he laughs uncontrollably at his father's antics
2. The faces he makes when he takes a bite of something he doesn't like
3. How he buries his face in my shoulder when he's shy around strangers
4. How cute he looks from behind in his overalls
5. Babbling duels
6. His helping mommy read the stories by turning the pages
7. The fascination he has for water bottles
8. The evil little smile he gets when he's caught playing with the TV receiver
9. How he talks incessantly and tries to grab the phone when I am talking on it
10. The way he lounges in the stroller with his feet up on bar like he's mister coolness
11. His smile when I give him his blankie for naptime (even though it's often followed by screams)
12. The way he flails his arms all around when he's excited
13. When he grabs my face and gives me kisses

See, told you he looked cute in his overalls.

Random Bear Photos

Here are a couple pictures of Chase playing with the bear that MomMom and PopPop sent him for Valentine's day. When you squeeze him, his cheeks light up and he talks to you. Chase enjoys chewing on his feet and attempting to smother him.

Pop Quiz

Today's tummy ache was caused by:

a: an unpleasant case of rotovirus
b: an ulcer
c: ingestion of an obscene amount of cocoa pebbles
d: an alien baby growing in my tummy
e. all of the above

Quick--what's your answer?? Don't choke now!


ETA: No mom, I'm not preggo. The correct answer is C.

Giving the masses their bargain fix

For all of you out there who have been dying for another dose of MellonBargains, I give to you the following:


8 boxes cereal (Multi Grain Cheerios and Smart Start Cinnamon and Raisin)
2 bags Success Brown Rice (Yum-o!)
2 containers cat food (for the momma--I don't have cats)
1 egg coloring kit (for the noodle...ok for me)

Original price: $44.62
Mellon paid: $13.40

That should hold you over for a couple weeks, don't you think??

Firsts

This weekend has seen a few firsts for the little munchkin. The first momentous occasion of the weekend was that Chase had to have his poop-filled diaper changed in a restaurant bathroom. Yep, stinky la pew boy let one loose in Texas Roadhouse. Lucky for me, Auntie Nicole was there and willing to help Mommy change the little stink bomb. Good thing too, since he ruined his pants, was twisting like a flag in the wind, and was sharing his trademarked scream of death with the entire restaurant. Oh yea and did I mention that I got a little poop smear on the sleeve of my shirt?? Good times, good times.

On to our next noteworthy happening. Saturday, the family took a walk to the park by the community pool. Once we were there, we plopped Noodle into the baby swing for his very first big boy swing experience. I was more excited about it than he was. He just slouched down in the seat and looked at us as if to say, "Now what?". 5 minutes later, we headed home--but not before I went down the slide for old times sake. I am such a child.

The walk in the stroller was more enthralling for him than the swing. He had belt buckles to play with and elementary aged kids to make faces at. One of those lovely tots tried to pretend that Iverson bit him by yelling "Ouch" when he reached down to pet him. Bratty boy. Obviously this was way more exciting than a little ride in a swing.

The last major event of the weekend was Chase's first bath in the big tub without using the baby tub. This trial went way better than the swing. While he was a bit nervous at first as demonstrated by his peeing all over mommy while waiting for the tub to fill, it wasn't long before he reached his happy place. Chase loved playing with his toys in the big boy bath, and according to Andy, he completely cracked himself up splashing around. This is a major relief as recent bath times have been nothing but giant scream fests.

So that's our weekend in a nutshell: poop, parks and pee.

Mellon's Log
Day 2
2/28/07

My second evening with the urchin was not as smooth going as the first. He appeared to be missing his other parental unit as he had a more difficult time entering dream land. Once in the city's boundaries; however, he stayed within its limits until 04:00. At that time he required fuel and a clean diaper. He then returned to sleepy town until 07:00. Lazy, lazy child.

As of this hour, there are no injuries to report. Even so, the captain must think that I am not physically capable of handling this mission as he sent over "The Trainer" at 10:00 for some calisthenics. She wasn't as tough as others, but she made sure that I broke a sweat. I hope the report she sends includes a note about my dedication and overall physical prowess.

I have been conducting my own observations of the infant in my care. I am quite convinced that he is a government experiment gone awry. He has mood swings similar to those of Dr. Jekyll. He seems blissfully unaware of the pain his screams cause upon his caregiver's ears. There also appears to be some damage to the wiring in his independence sector as demonstrated by the squeals of death that emit from his oral cavity when I leave the room. Oddly, those shrill sounds disappear the moment you return and place him in your arms. I must research this glitch further to see if there is a way to correct it.

Yet, he does have blocks of time where he is the model child. He'll study his toy apparatuses for nearly an hour. During this time, he makes weird babbling sounds that must be a secret code that only his makers can decipher. I am not sure if he is sending them intel about the contraption he is tinkering with or about me. I must be more careful what I say around him. It is clear that he has received training in war tactics. He uses his pleasing facial bone structure and twinkling eyes to coerce the enemy into doing his bidding. He is also quite adept at evading the enemy through a system of belly crawls and squiggles. He's a slippery little devil, that one.

Overall, I feel that his design was a successful one, but unfortunately, there was some difficulty in the implementation of the blueprint. This particular model is just too emotionally unstable for use in the field. Perhaps, given more time under my tutelage, he will improve enough to be of some use to headquarters. I make no promises in this regard. Either way, I am sure that my notes will aid in the creation of other prototypes in this series.

I must be going now. I have been given the responsibility of securing the safe transportation of two agents to the airport. Upon their arrival at IAD, they will be catching a flight to Florida where they are to find and acquire "The Wedding Dress". I do not envy them their mission.

God speed,
Agent Mellon


End Transmission

Letter from the trenches

Mellon's Log
2/27/07
Day One

My tour of duty began when I was handed the wee urchin that would be solely in my care for the next 72 hours and then ushered to a house full of four other operatives each with her own personal urchin for which to care. The four of them were a loud bunch that constantly required attention and evasive maneuvering to keep them from harm's way. Luckily, the only injury I sustained was a minor headache. Nothing that would cause me to abandon my mission.

The mess hall served pizza that night...I believe this was psychological trickery designed to lead me to believe that this assignment would be a cushy one. They haven't fooled me--I know I am in for a very long, painful three days.

After chow, I was sent back to the safe house alone with my charge. The evening passed without much fussing from the bambino, but my nerves about the next morning's duties kept me from a good night's rest. No matter, I've had far worse conditions to contend with than lack of sleep. There was one casualty though: the bedroom TV. The incident is being evaluated by headquarters, but it is my personal belief that there was some unauthorized remote control usage going on. I'm not naming names.

This morning, I had a parley with one who calls himself "The Painter". The details of our encounter are classified, but I think that the brass will be pleased by our resolution.

The day was not without injury though. Today's affliction took the form of a twisted wrist and sore bottom from my slip on the black ice covering the surface of the safe house driveway. I must speak with my captain about the use of the term "safe house" to describe a location that is obviously not safe.

Later, I had to take the young whippersnapper for his bimonthly inspection at the local prison for the under 12 set. I must admit that even with my training, I was a bit tense when a mob of 9 year olds came charging toward us. The lil cherub was temporarily upset as well, but after some strategic moves on my part, we were once again in the relative safety of adult company.

The important intelligence regarding plans for next year's work placement was transmitted to the one called Sal. Couldn't tell 100%, but I believe him to be pleased with the information.

Having completed the day's objectives, I returned to the house with the miniature humanoid. I do not believed we were followed.

There is more work to be done today involving digestion and underwater breathing techniques. If I am able, I will send tomorrow's report by 16:00.

Yours in Service,
Agent Mellon

End Transmission

Torture 101

I am not afraid to inflict mild uncomfortableness on my child for the sake of acquiring a cute picture. (see trip to Cox's farm circa Oct 06) Today's quest for cuteness included shoving chubby noodle into a snowsuit that was slightly too small, and then plopping him down in a pile of cold snow. He took it like a man though with nary a peep or whimper. That's my boy.

Little Flirt

Gran came over for dinner tonight. It took Chase a few minutes to warm up to her, but it wasn't long before he was giving her the smirk that counts as a smile and winking at her. He's quite the ladies man, my son.

Randomness

Could anyone tell me how my right ear got filled with water? I haven't been swimming, haven't submerged my head in the bath tub, didn't tilt my head sideways in the shower and just let my ear fill to the brim, and to the best of my knowledge, no one has come around and poured a liter of water into my ear. So how did it get there? And what can I do to make it go away??

The cashier's eyes got really big...

when I only paid $.47 for the following:

1 Gillette Power Fusion Phantom razor
1 tube of Crest Prohealth toothpaste
1 Clean & Clear astringent
2 Loreal Eye Pencils
2 Packs of energy gum (not sure what this is, but it was free)
1 Can of Enviga Green Tea

If the poor guy had known that I will also get $14.49 back in ECB's, he'd probably have fallen over right then and there.

Here is my proof. I still haven't figured out how to make things scan from my laptop, so I took a photo instead. Enjoy.

Just in case you wanted a close up of my total. Hee hee.

Guess who finally has chompers--er chomper

That's right. The day that we've all been waiting for has at last arrived. Chase has a tooth! Hip hip hooray! He is celebrating this baby book worthy event by continuing to stick his tongue out of the corner of his mouth in what I can only imagine as his way of saying: "Look mom, all that drool has finally led to a whole nanometer of enamel climbing out of my gums."

Earlier today, the little man was working on his scooch. He's getting quite adept at the Army man crawl and can now travel the length of the family room in less than a minute. Little bugger still hasn't figured out that lifting his belly off the ground would make it go much quicker which is actually a good thing considering that we still haven't gotten around to baby proofing. Well, that's not entirely true: Andy did bring the baby gate down from the closet, measured the doorway, and found that it was too short for the opening. And he's the brains of the operation.

I believe that when Chase becomes a famous rock star, his rider will surely state in no uncertain terms that a case of Fiji should be waiting for him in his dressing room.

"Look mom, I belly crawled all the way across the family room. Better get those gates up now."

Book Worm

Chase loves books. Well, actually he loves anything with print: books, cards, sale papers, computer screens...he must like the patterns. Maybe he's a genius and when he looks at the words he sees hidden patterns and codes like that guy that Russell Crowe played in A Beautiful Mind. That movie was really creepy, so maybe I don't hope that Chase is a mathematical prodigy. Or if he is, he will be a well balanced, emotionally stable one who doesn't think that everyone is out to get him.

Anyway, back to the point. Lately his favorite book has been this Sesame Street Sesame Beginnings one. It has a really great rhyming pattern to it, and really bright, uncluttered, colorful pictures. Every time I bring the book out to read to him, he giggles and shakes. And yeah, he does occasionally try to eat the book, but I think that he is just trying to digest the information completely. Get it? Digest? Hee Hee.

I had gotten this book at Dollar General in Kingwood when I was visiting my parents, so I told mom to look for more. Well, she found them and they arrived in our mailbox today. You should have heard him squeal when I started reading him the one called "Bubbles, Bubbles". It was the most adorable thing in the world. Each time I turned the page, he'd just cackle again. I was laughing myself because it was so darn cute.

This uninhibited display of glee is quite a rarity for us as our son--while being adorable beyond words--is not what you would call generous with his smile and even less so with his giggles. He's more of a smirker. He'll look at you like "Yea I know you want me to smile, but I really think you look like a bozo, but b/c you gave birth to me and all I'll give you a little smirk."

The only other way we've been guaranteed to get him to smile is for Drew to sing the theme song to "Divine Design" to him. For those of you who aren't HGTV addicts, it's an instrumental tune that goes sorta like this "spee dow, bopbopspee dow, badopadop badopbup badadup". It's really quite catchy, and even more entertaining when Drew adds his own musical styling to it. If you ask him nicely, he might sing it for you. But only if you promise to smile great big and let a chuckle or two escape. No smirking allowed.

Enjoying "Bubbles Bubbles" Thank you Grandma! Oh and the rash on his chin is from his permadrool problem. When will those darn teeth get here?

Reading the paper with Mommy




Getting a ride from Daddy