Only Crazy People Talk to Themselves

Are you at all surprised that I happen to be one of them? I thought not. Here is a tiny sampling of some of the recent silent monologues that have inhabited my cranium.

• I have this gift of being able to tell myself to wake up at a certain time, and then actually doing it. If you tell me to wake up at 3:33AM--I'll wake up at 3:33AM, no alarm necessary. It's a pretty sweet super power to have actually--much better than throwing cobwebs all over the place. The problem lately is that even though I'm awake and aware that it's 6:45 and that's the time that I said I want to get up--I've since grown quite comfortable in my snugly warm bed. So I open my eyes, see the clock and then debate if I really do need to get up now. What if I have cold cereal instead of oatmeal? That will buy me 10 minutes. Oh and I could check my email while the kids' waffles are cooking, that's another 5 minutes. I'll put my shoes on at the stoplights--yep. I can totally sleep for another 20 minutes.
  

• Often I will spend 15 minutes trying to talk myself into putting forth the effort and time it takes to dry my hair. Which is quite sad when you consider that with the new awesome hairdryer I got for Christmas, it only takes 10 minutes to dry and flatiron my hair.

• I bargain with myself all day long. Me: "Laura if you unload the dishwasher and plan your menu for the week, you can then have 25 minutes of quality blog reading time. You know how you enjoy peeking into other people's lives--especially that Kayla Aimee who is hilariously clever and is the one who gave you the idea to do this list in the first place." Other Me: How about if I unload the dishwasher, plan the menu, and make my grocery list for 45 minutes of computer time?" Me again: "Don't push your luck missy."
  

• My spelling is and always has been atrocious. It is so bad that sometimes the word that I am trying to write doesn't even show up on spell check's list of suggestions. At this point, I usually start mumbling under my breath about silent consonants, homophones, foreign language origins and the lack of help that the i before e rule really provides. Then I thank Google for almost always knowing what word I meant. It's why Google and I are BFFs.

• This morning I needed to get gas. I hate getting gas. Sincerely. But that's another story.There I was standing glove-less in the arctic air trying to find my American Express card with my useless, frozen fingers. I knew it was in my wallet somewhere, but I have this horrible habit of shoving it haphazardly amongst the appointment cards dating back a year and the inch thick stack of store reward cards I never remember to use. As the frigid air continued to make my fingers burn, I promised myself that since my AmEx is my most oft used piece of plastic, I will put it front and center in the first slot as soon as I am finished with it. Every time. I really mean it. Fifteen minutes later, I'm at the grocery store digging through my wallet again looking for that darn card.