Alrighty then

My friends list on Facebook has grown to an entire 11 people--certainly cause for celebration. Yes, I know that I am way behind the times, but I prefer to move at a snail's pace when it comes to entering the domain of the hip and cool. Anyway one of the recent additions to the list is a guy who went to high school with me named Andy--not to be confused with the love of my life Andy who also happens to be my friend on Facebook. Husbands count too, damn it!

Now, Andy from high school may not know this, but he was always one of my favorite people which has only a little to do with the fact that he was my first kiss and a lot to do with the fact that he's just good people. Seeing his smiling face after so many years brought back sudden flashes of AP Calculus II involving limits of x approaching 1 and the movie Stand and Deliver. ( Hey, I'm the first one here. What's calcoolus?) Just as soon as those images had passed through my brain, they were replaced by memories of "The Back Row" or as I like to call them, "The doofuses that sat in the back row overusing lame catch phrases such as "word" and "you know this man" and cracking jokes that were at times mildly entertaining but mainly just annoying as all get out". Of course my title wasn't quite as catchy as "The Back Row", so it never really gained momentum.

Moving on. The main buffoonery that I recall the Back Row engaging in was making up nicknames for all the other members of the class. The only one besides my own that I remember was Finkle which was bestowed upon a classmate simply because she occasionally wore a white shirt with stripes resembling the team colors of the Miami Dolphins. Clever bunch these boys. Their fascination with all things Jim Carrey ought to provide you with a little insight into their humor repertoires.

So, I know you're all just sitting there with bated breath wondering what my nickname was, aren't you? You're going to love this--Sunisfree. As in, "The sun is free Laura, go out and get some." Apparently they had no love for the southern belle/gothic-lite look that I was trying to achieve. Funnily enough, Andy was one of those doofuses--see how forgiving and accepting of people's flaws I can be??

Now in the interest of full disclosure, I will tell you that I have at times questioned my devotion to emulating Casper and have actually partaken in the occasional sunbathing activity. Even more scandalous, there are a few brief flings with a number of tanning beds in my history. However, after having a dime-sized chunk of skin removed from my left shoulder due to the presence of a precancerous mole, I have learned that the sun is most definitely not free. Oh no. The sun in fact requires payment of $12.99 per bottle of Banana Boat SPF45 and $12 for the occasional Mystic Tan application. Word.

Here's a visual of my flashback for you. This is a picture of my AP Calculus class on the last day of school in 1996. You might want to take out your sunglasses now to reduce the glare from my skin...


Guess which one was Finkle.