84

That's how many days until little Amaya arrives. Yes, I am that much of a nerd that I have counted down the days and marked them on my calendar. Frankly, I'm a little surprised that you hadn't already figured out what a dork I am.

For those of you who didn't know me during the last pregnancy or for those of you who were so traumatized by the events that you have since blocked it out of your minds, let me just give you a little preview of what I'll be like in the next 3 months or so...

First, I'm going to start swelling up like Violet in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I'll lose my ankles, my feet which are already absurdly wide will refuse to go willingly into any shoe, my face will balloon to Stay Puff proportions and my fingers will begin to show an uncanny resemblance to a certain processed meat found in the breakfast section.

Plus, I'm going to start gaining mammoth amounts of poundage as I will be too uncomfortable to move much...and little Amaya will still be demanding that I eat ridiculous quantities of food--chocolate being the most requested nourishment. That leads us to the fact that my belly will have grown to be basketball sized which will make a good night's sleep a rare commodity indeed. Oh, and if for some reason I am able to get myself comfortable enough to possibly sleep, the heartburn will surely keep me from actually sawing any z's.

And here's the scary part...this is what happened last time when I only had myself to worry about. Now that there's a little Noodle depending on me daily, who knows how exhausted and miserable I'm going to become. So, in short, I'm going to be one cranky Mamajama. I tell you this for three reasons:

1) so you'll feel sorry enough for me that you send me daily love notes, flowers or chocolate

2)so you can be forewarned and stay as far away from me as possible if you value your own happiness and sanity at all.

3) and finally, so if my posts become few and far between or full of whining and complaining, you'll know it's just a phase and I'll be back to normal someday. Probably in about 18 years or so.