Thursday, December 06, 2012

If a word is written and no one is around to read it, does it make a...nevermind

If you've read the blog before, you might be under the impression that I am together and organized and always happy. Do you want to know a secret? I have no idea what I'm doing. About anything. Ever. I float through life and just let it take me where it wants. I have an easy smile, and I use it to distract people from asking any really tough questions or getting too close. I divert. dodge. deflect. And probably a whole host of other D words that my brain hasn't quite wrapped itself around just yet. I'm really just a jumbled mess inside a decently wrapped package. Actually, this probably isn't such a secret since I am returning from a year long hiatus from writing. Not the best secret then, is it? Ok, I'll owe you one.

What is still true even a year later is that I have some pretty incredible people in my life. People who amaze me with their strength, captivate me with their creativity and comfort me with their love. My mama lost her own mama on Tuesday. Saying goodbye to a parent is something I can't even begin to fathom. My heart breaks for her and all that could have been that will now never be. Yet, even in her own pain, she remains my mama giving me love and encouragement to continue on through my own life's challenges.

That picture above? Flowers from my teammates in sympathy for my loss. And cough medicine from Emily--though I think that was more from her getting tired of listening to me hack for the last hour and a half than concern for my well being. Still, she went out in the cold to get it. That counts.

I am blessed to be surrounded by amazing people who love me. I need to remember to stop hiding behind walls and start letting them in to do just that. Death to the 3 Ds.

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